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Sunday, September 27, 2009

In which Sara attacks with foam swords

Today I ventured into a land full of frivolity and excitement, leather and shields, mead and turkey legs: a Renaissance Festival. This is the *takes a break to re-count* fourth year my friends and I have made the excursion to the Renfest, and I tell ya what, it just never, ever gets old.

Fun things that happened, in list form:

1) Tomato-guy yelled at my friend Ashley, "Hey, dumb blonde!" Friend Ashley proceeded to hurl tomatoes at tomato guy. (Receiving hurled tomatoes was the reason tomato guy was there. He wasn't selling tomatoes. I mean, he was, but only to have them thrown at him...anyway)

2) Rose-selling pirate followed us around, asking me really inappropriate yet hysterical questions. For instance:

Pirate: "Do you want to be part of a pirate initiation?"
Me: "Yes!"
Pirate: "Want to know where it is?"
Me: "Um...yes?"
Pirate: "Doesn't really matter, because it's only going to be you and me, love."

Only at a Renfest do questions like this result in giggles, not restraining orders.

3) I got my fortune told. Apparently I can get answers to my questions in my dreams, will meet the man of my dreams if I draw up a list of qualities I want in him, and will inherit a bunch of money once a rich relative dies. I was following it, until the rich relative part. Firstly, I have no rich relatives. Secondly, I don't want anyone to die! Sucky fortune.

4) I watched Friend Ashley eat a sandwich that a performer made using only his feet. Mmm, that extra zest you taste is toe jam.

5) I did not, again, invest in one of the freakishly awesome swords they sell. Someday. And also someday I will learn to use said sword. One of my long unfulfilled childhood fantasies is to learn how to swordfight. I was a strange child. But, luckily, there are booths such as this one that allow me to expel some of my pent-up swordfighting needs:

(Me fighting Friend Ali. Those foam swords hurt. But afterwards, the guy turned to me and, while flicking his hand, said "My lady, your stray sword hit my knuckles! You've got quite an arm!" I beamed.)

If you ever get the chance to go to a Renfest, I highly recommend it. It's a world unlike any other. I mean, seriously, in what other part of the country could you partake in a conversation like this...

Sword salesman: "Prepare to be shamelessly and unabashedly flirted with."
Friend Ali: "Oh, that's fine!"
Sword salesman: "Oh good. Most people find it off-putting."
*few minutes later*
Friend Ali: *talking to a sword* "I'm in love!"
Sword salesman: "Please, my lady, we've only just met! But if you come back and buy this sword in a few minutes, I'll throw in myself for free."

...and not have people frown in distaste? It's a breath of fresh air. Sigh. If only all the world was a Renfest...


Natalie Whipple said...

Man, I wish I was there. I totally could have owned you at sword fighting.

sraasch said...

Them are fighting words, lady. Next year = You + Me + Foam swords. Because by them you'll be rich with a tremendous pub-deal, so flying across country just to go to a festival wouldn't be outrageous. Oh! Or you could fly across country to NYC and make a stop in my neck of the woods! Oh! Or you could plan a book tour conveniently around the Renfest time, and have a stop in a bookstore near the festival! Yes? Yes.

Mariah Irvin said...

Look at that natural talent! I must have been a strange kid too because I always dreamt of awesome sword fights. That, or because my dad's a ninja.

ChristaCarol said...

Your dads a ninja? That's just awesome. I know Kung Fu! Or, I did....getting old now, out of practice...but Sara, your skillz are awesomeness. And I loved this post. You never fail to make me giggle.