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Monday, August 23, 2010

Trash

No matter how often I clean my room, I can never seen to get rid of all the junk.

Today's trash bag tally: three. THREE trash bags. People think I'm joking when I say that my stuff spontaneously clones itself when I leave the room. Well, I don't see me laughing when I have to shove those three stupid-heavy trash bags into the garbage cans that for whatever reason are always wedged thisclose to my mom's CRV. Cirque de Soleil applauds my acrobatic bag-shoving abilities.

Struggle aside, the results are always well worth it. My room feels lighter. Less burdened. Like if there was an air-raid I could throw my entire room into two suitcases and be in the bunker watching Gilmore Girls before the rest of my family even heard the siren.

(Mental note: get a bunker.)

That's how I like it. Simple. No muss, no fuss, all the gain without the pain. But this cleaning time, oh, this cleaning time was different. Drastic. Nay, demented. A no-holds-bar purging of everything that even hinted at unnecessary, useless, or good-god-I-bought-that-in-1997. There is absolutely nothing left in my room that isn't entirely needed.

(Okay, that's a lie. I kept my Declaration of Independence shot glass and this funny little mini-fork I got at a rehearsal dinner. It reminded me of a tiny version of the trident in The Little Mermaid.)

I've tried to pinpoint what brings on these desperate needs to clean. Some kind of hormonal nesting urge? One too many episodes of Hoarders? Whatever the reason, the feeling afterward is always the same. Sitting at my desk, looking around my room, twiddling my thumbs. Thinking, "All right. It's time."

But -- time for what?

I feel like something has to happen now. I've cleaned out all this space for Something to come; it'd be downright rude of it not to take the hint and swoop in, right?

I'll be 21 in two days. A college graduate in 3 months. I think the Something that's coming is -- well, lets just say that Something has to happen, because the only alternative at this point in my life is a big, dark vortex of Nothing that doesn't usually come until you're yelling at nurses for stealing your denture paste.

People usually have an idea of what Something is, don't they? At this point in the game, they at least have a slight illusion of Something. "Oh hey, look, there's that rascal Something; see his silhouette in the door there?"

Nope. Not me. No silhouette. Not anymore. I just know that wherever my Something is, I don't want to go chasing after it with three trash bags of my past weighing me down.

That bunker might be kind of nice right about now, actually.

4 comments:

K. M. Walton said...

The most crucial part of what you wrote was, "I feel like something has to happen now. I've cleaned out all this space for Something to come; it'd be downright rude of it not to take the hint and swoop in, right?"

Just make a tiny little change for me...I feel like something IS happening now. I've cleaned out all this space for Something to come; it IS going to take the hint and swoop in."

"It's" coming, Sarah. Let "it" in. Welcome "it"

p.s. I love your writing voice, always have. Just had to tell you.

Samantha VĂ©rant said...

21???? OMG! Now, I can take you out for a drink! HAHA! Finishing up WLA! I promise – a late b-day present????

e. f. danehy said...

Happy birthday!!

I get an overwhelming urge to clean out the clutter, to go through things that don't need to be organized and make a donations pile as big as the garbage pile... whenever I'm in Serious Procrastination Mode.

(So right now, I have a huuuuge donation pile next to the front door, and the closet is a tangled mess of things that must be neatened up in the next day or two or I'll go mad. Procrastinating? Who, me?)

Every time I've been impatient for Something to happen, I've just sat around waiting. Then I get fed up with waiting and I move on, occupying my time with a project or work. It's always THEN when the Somethings happen, and I find it both exhilarating -- and tremendously inconvenient. I'd much prefer the Somethings come when I'm waiting for them.

Jen said...

Wow!!! This is my first time visiting your blog and I see that you are a fabulous over achiever! I love it! Look at you and those awesome count on trash bags!!!

Happy Birthday!!!! Am I late??

Awesome blog! Super cute!!! You have an awesome writing voice! I adore it!!! I hope you consider stopping by my blog!! PS - my follow button isn't working or I'd follow you! I have you on my post-it and will add you soon! :)