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Friday, April 30, 2010

ATTENTION

Hi.

To all who seek contact from Sara:

This is Homework. I have taken Sara as my hostage. Don't fear for her safety; she is in a secure location. And her injuries will heal easily enough. Trust me, I've done this before.

I will hold her against her will until she or someone on the outside presents me with: one 8-page paper on employee appreciation, one presentation for said paper, one 6-page paper on employee recognition and motivation, one presentation for said second paper, ten complete management quizzes, one portfolio of her professional achievements over the past 20 years, two article reviews, one report on Greek business etiquette, and 22 bottles of Black Cherry-Lime Vitamin Water.

Wait! No! Not the last one -- the last one was merely a typo inserted by the captive. Ignore that request.

*forces captive to return to her cell*

Help! Save me! SOMEONE GET ME OUT!

*throws #2 Pencil at captive*

I expect these things to be paid, in full, by the second week of June, lest the captive be subjected to all of these demands again.

Except for the Vitamin Water. Don't give her anymore Vitamin Water.

Forever Yours,
HW


3 comments:

Jill Wheeler said...

Crap. If it were a paper on MACBETH or NATIVE SON, I might have been able to help you out. But I don't really know anything about appreciating people. Good luck! :D

Dominique said...

Why no more Vitamin Water? Vitamin Water is lovely. It is our friend.
Or is this one of those Never Feed Them After Midnight things?

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