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Saturday, February 28, 2009
Unwanted Parts of Speech Anonymous
Moderator: Thank you for coming to today's Unwanted Parts of Speech Anonymous meeting. I see we have some newcomers in the group, so why don't we start with some old members so the newcomers can see how it works? Addie, why don't you go ahead and share your feelings with the group?
Addie: Honestly, I don't feel really comfortable with that today.
Moderator: Remember, we're all here to support each other. I know you must have some feelings about being "let go" as a wanted part of speech.
Addie: Well, I mean, seriously, am I suppose to bounce around merrily? I feel like all those writers acted really selfishly and uncaringly when they promptly decided I acted too obnoxiously. It hurts, painfully, and I just want to be accepted warmly, you know? So what if I repeatedly add redundancy? Is it so awfully repulsive?
Moderator: That's right. Let it out.
Addie: And, I mean, they could've graciously given me another chance. It's not like I'm nearly as irritably bad as Gerry.
Gerry: Watching his blood pressure, Gerry tries not to punch Addie!
Moderator: Now, now, let's not get violent. Remember our motto...
Gerry: Remembering it, Gerry will still punch Addie's lights out.
Moderator: Gerry, why don't you tell us why Addie's comment upset you?
Gerry: Listing all the reasons, Gerry could be here all day. Pushing all my buttons, Gerry really think there's a heartily good chance that Addie will quickly leave here with a painfully swollen eye.
Addie: Is he really allowed to talk to me so hatefully?
Moderator: Why don't we move on to our newest addition? Perry, is it?
Perry: I'm not sure what I should talk about.
Moderator: Well -- why do you think you're here today?
Perry: It's something I don't have any control of. It's something the writers decided on. When I'm at the end of sentences, well -- I guess I'm not what they wanted to sound like.
Gerry: Trying not to throw a chair at Perry, Gerry really doesn't like talking about the writers.
Addie: He's harshly making fun of me!
Perry: What do they upset you about, Gerry?
Gerry: Getting his coat, Gerry leaves.
Moderator: Gerry! Our session isn't over yet!
Perry: Yeah, it's not yet over! What are you angry for?
Addie: Let him leave so audaciously. Really, it's no wonder the writers unswervingly delete him.
Gerry: Going to Addie's chair, Gerry will hurt him!
Addie: Don't behave so barbarically! I paid decently for this meeting! Put that chair down swiftly!
Perry: Beat him down! Beat him down!
Moderator: I think we should adjourn. Everyone say the motto now. Everyone. Gerry? I don't hear you...
Gerry, Addie, and Perry: "Turning the Other Cheek, We Humbly Move On."