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Wednesday, May 26, 2010


SETTING -- An abandoned parking lot at midnight with a lone security light flickering in the encroaching fog.

A girl, early twenties, pauses at the edge of the lot. She considers returning to the building she has just left but presses onward when a wolf howls from the distance. The girl's gait quickens and as she digs frantically for her keys, the wolf's howl bites off. The girl stops and turns in a slow circle. She is certain she is no longer alone.

Girl: H-hello? Is someone there?

The security light blinks once, twice, before shutting off completely. The girl is left in darkness.

Girl: Show yourself!

Two bright lights break the night, casting columnar beams of light through the now-heavy fog. The girl spins toward them, shielding her eyes.

Girl: *voice trembling* Who are you? What do you want?

Disembodied Voice: Yyyyoooouuuuu

Girl: Me?

An engine flares to life, and with it a static radio. The girl recognizes the station as the one her car's radio always plays...

Girl: No. No. It can't be!

Disembodied Voice: Yyyyyooouuuu mmmuuuusssstttt ppppaaaayyyy!

Tires squeal, the headlights swerve. The girl screams and sprints for the sidewalk, calling for help from anyone who can hear.

But then the girl stops. The tires continue to squeal towards her, but with a slowly-growing grin she turns to face her attacker.

Girl: You're forgetting one thing.

Disembodied Voice: Wwwwhhhaatttt isssss ttthhhaaatttt?

Girl: *chuckles* You were running on empty when I parked you this morning.

As if by the power of her words, a guttural, sputtering sound crackles across the air. The headlights swerve, the breaks squeal, and with one final, shuddering groan, the car grumbles to a halt merely three feet from the girl.

Disembodied Voice: Ddddaaaammmmnnnn yyyyoooouuuu.

Girl: No matter how many times you try to kill me, my neglectful gasoline-filling habits will ALWAYS have one-up over you.

Disembodied Voice: Tttthhhhiiirrrrsssstttyyyy

Girl: Shut it. I'm getting a Volkswagen*.

And so the Sara vs. Vehicle War continues.

*Author does not claim support to one car manufacturer over another, unless one car manufacturer promises vehicles that do not try to kill her on a bimonthly basis. Because that'd be kind of nice. The not-being-killed part.


Lisa_Gibson said...

I would agree, the not being killed part would be nice. Good luck in your search for a non-homicidal vehicle.

Natalie Whipple said...

Not dying is nice, but it doesn't make for interesting stories, just so you know. Sometimes I miss telling stories about my clunker. Poor Udell.

Adam Heine said...

I do like Volkswagens (and yet have managed to never own one, *sigh*).

The question is why does the car want to kill you?

Jill Wheeler said...

Your car is Christine????

I AM impressed.