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Sunday, February 7, 2010

Mental Notes of a Super Bowl Sunday:

--Must ask a male counterpart why they squeal with glee when men in strange helmets run from big yellow Y to big yellow Y.

--I suspect strange little helmeted men have something to do with training for a reenactment of the final battle of Return of the King, as tiny men in strange helmets make Orc-like noises.

--More determined than ever that strange little helmeted men are reenacting Return of the King. One strange little man in even stranger striped outfit threw down a flag that halted the game. Surely a sign of magical powers. But why did they choose to dress a wizard in stripes?

--Eagerly awaiting appearance of the hobbits.

--Had a revelation when two groups of Orcs took a break. The battle consists entirely of helmeted ORCS -- where are the people? Didn't these morons read the book?

--Getting more and more frustrated with Return of the King reenactment. Instead of using swords, Orc groups fight with a single leather projectile. Lack of funding?

--Entirely at a loss. Male counterparts taking reenactment training very seriously. Cannot figure out why one Orc group is superior to another.

--Reenactment training is taking far longer than the actual battle. Orc groups look fit to me; why are they going in to the third hour?

--Eyeballs melting out of skull. Reenactment training has taken too long.

--Have retreated to the kitchen where male counterparts spread out chips and dip to celebrate Reenactment Training Day. Why they are so excited about this when they wouldn't watch Lord of the Rings is beyond me.


Mariah Irvin said...

Haha! The mystery is revealed! I finally understand football!

Or, do I...?

Nope, still confused. Why wouldn't they watch LOTR instead?

It's good to see you, Sara!

Jill Wheeler said...


Crack a beer. If you can't beat 'em...

Jade said...

Um, three hours? For reals? A football game here only goes for maybe one hour including half-time.

As soon as it had rolled into hour two, I would've insisted on some real Return of the King action. Hello, Aragorn, anyone?

ali cross said...

ROFL Awesome :)

Adam Heine said...

"Instead of using swords, Orc groups fight with a single leather projectile. Lack of funding?"


Clearly the orcs are practicing for the actual battle. Perhaps the striped wizards are there to represent the real ones.

Anonymous said...


Didn't watch the game; didn't go to any parties. Instead, I stayed home and worked on crocheting a blanket whily hubby played video games :P So glad he's not one of those "I have to watch every football game EVER" type :P

Donna Gambale said...

I enjoy football and understand it.......... but I only care about the home team. And yes, it can be mind-numbingly boring. This is hilarious.

Hayley Lovell said...

Hehe, the male counterparts who were at my house (we actually celebrated my birthday too) were screaming and yelling at the TV, and I kind of almost got it. Almost. So if you would like another examination of the reenactment, I'll try to help if I can.

Wyman Stewart said...

Actually, I've read The Lord of The Rings triology, probably before you were born. Football may be as close as modern humans come to living out Norse Mythology, short of actual wars today, which are even more barbaric in their own modern way.

Sports, particularly football, is a kind of War Hunt (name of a brilliant old movie I like). I'm sure many Psychological studies have been done on football, war, and the male. Football is part "hunt" and part "war". Your observations are quite amusing, almost with the imagination of an alien visitor to our planet.

Although football is definitely a game of brutality--survival of the fittest (Darwinian)--I like the artistic part, while hoping the warriors live to fight another day. I listened on the radio. This game was different, in that it was a thinking man's game/war. This was Archimedes vs. The Romans, except Archimedes won.

I hope you enjoyed your view of primitive man. Hopefully, there was no raping or pillaging after the game anywhere. In that sense, football has civilized us a bit. NOW, OFF TO THE KITCHEN, WENCH!

Thank you for your time.