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Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Back Away Slowly

(This is the part of my blog where I play Dear Abby.)

I'm well aware of the repercussions that could follow me being so forward on my blog about the happenings of my romantic life (Ha, "romantic." I almost said that with a straight face). But I'm 20-almost-21, a girl, and I greatly dislike keeping things inside when I know that somewhere, maybe, there might be another 20-almost-21-year-old girl who could benefit from knowing that, somewhere, there was once a girl who went through the same thing.

So if you don't care to hear how forward I can be, OMGOSHLOOKAWAYNOW. If you do care: I have another relationship rant. Excited?

I made a connection a few days ago.

Every guy I've ever "been serious" with (Get your mind out of the gutter! By "been serious" I meant "officially called my boyfriend". Geez, people. What kind of girl do you think I am?) (Don't answer that.) used the same pick-up line. A pick-up line that I didn't know was a pick-up line until, well, a few days ago. It's a real kicker:

"You're FASCINATING."

That's it. Two words. Er, well, they were usually arranged into more elaborate sentences than just those two words, but the gist was the same. Because I didn't get crazy drunk every weekend or hang out at bars or wear enough makeup to singlehandedly employ every worker at Mary Kay, I was FASCINATING. And because I had goals and had written a novel(s) and WANTED things, I morphed into a kind of foreign-alien-science-project FASCINATING. (And let me tell ya, it is FUN to get stared at like you're a foreign-alien-science-project.)

But how long, exactly, does FASCINATING last?

Two months. Like clockwork.

Making the connection between the fact that my estranged ex's all thought I was FASCINATING and the fact that they bolted like a bored kid on an art museum field trip at an average of two months in (we'll skip the part where I tell you exactly how many estranged ex's I have to contribute to this data) helped me realize something. Something important.

Being FASCINATING is not enough. Being unique is not enough. Being "ahhed" and "ohhed" over is not enough. And despite how the media and general tween-teenage public adores the idea of being the subject of someone's obsession, it isn't all it's cracked up to be.

(*cough no this isn't another subtle blow at certain unmentioned vampire novels cough*)

Just a reminder. Learn from my slip-ups and hold out for someone who thinks you are FASCINATING and driven, talented, beautiful, amazing, etc etc.

Or become a self-professed hermit and live out your days dying of laughter to YouTube videos like this one.

(Guess which option I'm going with.)

7 comments:

SM Schmidt said...

This is where I say, get out of my head. But with "quirky" not fascinating used in my experience. Hermitages are sounding pretty sweet atm.

Kate said...

Ahh, I think fascinating is cool. And I loved the surprised kitty :)

storyqueen said...

do you ever write contemporary YA....because you really have a great voice and insight and you are too funny.

This post is TOO true.

Shelley

Neurotic Workaholic said...

Oh that kitty in the video is too cute! And I'm with you on holding out for someone who thinks you're fascinating. If only I could find a guy I thought was fascinating; most of the guys I meet are just plain creepy.

Jill Wheeler said...

Yeah, my husband went through the "You're fascinating" phase, and I also didn't realize it was a pickup line.

We had other stuff to hold us together, though, like similar family and career goals.

But, my, isn't that honeymoon phase sweet?

K. M. Walton said...

Your man is out there...you just have to bring him to you. When you're ready of course, he will come into your life and find you fascinating, and every other "thing" you really are.

I know it.

Believe it and it will happen.

Tara Maya said...

I hear ya. Boy, I hear ya.