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Monday, August 6, 2012

How to Wait

1) Embark on a quest to learn a new trade. For instance, it has been suggested that the Paint By Numbers market is saturated with jobs to be had. Also, rumors have been circulating that the crochet industry is desperate for willing fingers proficient in the age-old art of magic circles.

2) Immerse yourself in the written word as a form of cathartic distraction. Written words can take many forms, whether they be in books, magazines, news articles, or even the occasional chuckle-inducing description on a bottle of Vitamin Water. It is perfectly acceptable to take a grocery store trip with the sole intention of building a Vitamin Water tower and spending a few hours in verbiage bliss as you frolic among the passages of wisdom bestowed on us by the gods of Vitamin Water.

3) Hurl yourself willy-nilly into a Day Job. If willy-nilly hurling is frowned upon at your Day Job, opt for a more subtle thrusting, a gentle tiptoeing, or even a quiet, unassuming spewing-forth.

4) Indulge your social senses by broadening your friend database. The definition of friend is, of course, all up to you -- friends are as pliable as written words and can take just as many forms. A person, a dog, a cat, a duck and even the occasional muddy puppy can serve as a solid foundation for a lasting friendship. Bottles of Vitamin Water, while useful for many things, are unfortunately not the best choice for a friend foundation due to their lack of muddy puppy droopy eyes.

5) In relation to #4 -- explore the ever-unexplored terrain of deep rooted mental philosophies. Your broadened friend database should serve as an excellent sounding board for any revolutionary ideas you unearth as you babble through such intense topics as why the Paint By Numbers industry bases its revenue on confining people to such tiny number spaces. Your new-found duck and muddy puppy friends are sure to offer their own valuable insight. Ironically enough, bottles of Vitamin Water offer a plethora of answers to deep rooted mental philosophies, yet are banned from the friend category due to their inability to look at you with big droopy muddy puppy eyes. A conundrum of life, and one you may feel free to discuss with your muddy puppy friend. 

6) If after all these attempts at distracting yourself from waiting you still want to scratch that unavoidable impatient itch, and the itch becomes so mightily unbearable that not even your muddy puppy friend or a particularly well-placed bottle of Vitamin Water can soothe you, you may play the Get Out Of Jail Free card. This card played in this situation equates to the action of checking one's email without any snide looks from passersby. Know, however, that you only get ONE such card each go around, and once you play said card you are opening yourself up to snide looks and derisive head-shakes from your muddy puppy friend. He judges you, you know. Each time you check your email after you play the Get Out Of Jail Free card, your muddy puppy friend knows. And he watches. And he stares. Keep the muddy puppy in mind before you play said card. You only get one chance.


Kathryn Rose said...

Love this! I took up crocheting years ago when I was really into dressing up my cat in scarves and fake Yoda ears I made myself. (Side note: fake Yoda ears are super easy to make if you can find the right shade of green.)

The part about Vitamin Water made me lol. :D


Michelle Davidson Argyle said...

Aww, waiting is hard! Patience is hard. But puppies ... yes, they do help. I found a post by my friend really insightful today. She talked about quitting writing. She IS quitting. She says she has just lost herself and needs to find her center and just live her life instead of getting lost in expectations of her own and others. I relate because I've felt that way so many times, but I keep moving on. We all need different things. I hope you can find joy in all the little things (like those tiny numbers in which to paint, hehe) while you wait. Maybe think of it as not waiting but a space of time to really find something? :)

J.R. Johansson said...

Hahaha, I can totally see you crocheting the fake yoda ears that Kathryn mentioned and putting them on everyone you know. Then muttering "get out of jail free. do NOT pass go. do NOT collect 200 dollars" while you pace in circles.

If it makes you feel better. I'm heading into this nasty patience business right behind you. *hugs*

Wyman Stewart said...

No disrespect, I think I have some better ideas. You inspired me to write a post on your topic.

Forgive me, for I must add you as inspiration, I forgot.

If you or others wish to read my take on How To Wait, here is the link to the post: http://writerinterview.blogspot.com/2012/08/waiting-writer.html

Comments are always welcome at my Blog. Thanks again for the inspiration!

Samantha VĂ©rant said...

Learn to make sushi! It takes up a LOT of time. Of course, that's if you like sushi. Hugs.