Book Review #5

I'm in the process of *trying* to make a book trailer for Stream Pirate, because it seemed like a good idea a week ago. But after the failure of Windows Movie Maker, the downloading of two programs to help with Windows Movie Maker, the installation of a whole new movie maker, and still no success, I'm beginning to think the movie-making gods are not smiling upon me. So while I wait for one of the many, many programs to finish doing whatever it's supposed to do, I thought I'd post another book review. Today it shall be:

Nobody's Princess by Esther Friesner

As always, it will be subjected to the rigorous 5 Steps of Doom: Summary, What I Liked, What I Didn't Like, The Overall Mood Said Book Left Me In, and The Overall Rating. The Overall Rating will be based on my highly selective Sara's Scale of Suck or Soar, as follows, lowest to highest:

Level 1: This is How Not to Write a Book
Level 2: What Editor Read this and said "Hmm, Let's Publish it"?
Level 3: My Faith in Writers is Wavering Precariously
Level 4: This Doesn't Suck
Level 5: I'd Read the Sequel
And the coveted Level 6: Fan-FREAKING-tastic. Buy at All Costs.

Summary: Helen of Sparta (pre-Helen of Troy) at the age of six-ish finds out she will be queen instead of either of her older twin brothers, as the throne is passed through women (and apparently not all that important due to the lack of preparation from birth). She doesn't want to be a "normal" princess and seeks out ways to rebel, ie: learning how to fight alongside her brothers. Helen's twin sister (yep, two sets of twins) gets married off to the future king of Mycenae. Helen, twin brothers, and sister go for the wedding. Helen and twin brothers then go to Calydon to help in the boar hunt, then on to Delphi to have their futures told by the oracle. Oracle says the twin brothers must go to Iolkos to join the quest for the golden fleece. Helen, fourteen-ish by this time, secretly joined the boar hunt and secretly follows twin brothers to Iolkos to join the quest. End of book one.

What I Liked: The twin brothers, Castor and Polydeuces. I think they were eight-ish years older than Helen. They were the only reason I kept reading; their interactions with her were so adorable, I fell in love with them both. They didn't care that she would rule Sparta and not them, and they honestly loved her. They would protect her with no regard to their own safety and drop anything they were doing to help her. Who wouldn't fall in love with a man who treated his sister like that? Absolutely adorable.

What I Didn't Like: Firstly: there was no climax. It was just one anti-climatic story after another, Helen growing up then the wedding then the boar hunt then Delphi then Iolkos. Secondly: Helen was selfish and immature. Extremely so. The only reason she first showed an interest in sword-fighting or "not doing womanly things" was because she wanted to rebel. She didn't WANT to sword-fight; she wanted to not be womanly. Rebellion is not a strong enough motivation to propel someone's entire life. I never felt she did anything because she honestly wanted to; it was all just because she was told not to. Which was annoying. She's going to risk her life, over and over and over again, simply because her brothers tell her, "Helen, stay home, we don't want you to die"? Selfish and immature. Thirdly: it wasn't gripping. Like I said, the only reason I remembered to keep reading it was Castor and Polydeuces (even though I cannot, for the life of me, say "Polydeuces"). Had they not been in it, I would've set it on my bookshelf and forgotten it halfway through chapter two.

The Overall Mood Said Book Left Me In: Blah. Just -- blah. It wasn't good, didn't move me, didn't instill in me any sense of power or energy or freedom. Helen only did things out of the selfish desire to not do what she was told. That's not the least bit empowering.

The Overall Rating: Level 3: My Faith in Writers is Wavering Precariously. Esther Friesner's "About the Author" section is extraordinary, really. She's written 31 novels and 150 short stories. She's won a few Nebulas. And yet -- this was it? Seriously? A weak, unlikable heroine, no climatic ending, and a never-ending cycle of events so long I felt like I was reading the original Illiad? Wow. The only thing that kept it above a Level 2 were the twins. But though they could protect their sister, hunt the wild boar, and go after the golden fleece, they couldn't carry this novel.